what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
