Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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