Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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