My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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