either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
