Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
