After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
