just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
