I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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