You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Randomize
