I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
