Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't notice because vodka
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
