My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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