I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think my moral compass just broke
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
