I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have fence marks all over my body
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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