He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
