your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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