Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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