you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
