I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
