just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
