"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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