4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
