This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
