I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
