It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
