Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
