After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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