This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
