I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
