smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
