dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
