You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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