Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
