Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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