Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
