If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
