On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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