I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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