I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
