i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
