I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
