I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
