I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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