no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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