I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
