i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is wine microwaveable?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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