My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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