just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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