The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
